


from the moment I loved (I knew you were the one)

by breakthesewallsdown



Category: Sanvers - Fandom, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Endgame, F/F, Happy Ending, In more ways than one, Open Ending, Sanvers - Freeform, at least kara is nice in this, based on that one Alex gif thats been going around, i miss my danvers sisters, like usual im sorry, maggie is in pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 14:30:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14917112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakthesewallsdown/pseuds/breakthesewallsdown
Summary: They’re not supposed to sit here like this, say all these things about how they will always care. Alex isn’t supposed to call her Mags. That’s over. Done. Forever. Because they want different things. And that’s just it.orMaggie gets hurt on a mission, ends up in the DEO medbay and. well. feelings. I guess?





	from the moment I loved (I knew you were the one)

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I wrote sanvers + I wrote this at like 1 am so I have no idea who I am right now. send help. 
> 
> anyhow this is based off of that one alex-being-a-doctor gif that's going around on twitter, basically. if you don't know what gif I'm talking about, I'm sorry, but I'm a useless lesbian so, yeah. 
> 
> (there was more that I needed to say but I forgot, because, I repeat, useless lesbian)  
> (also: when will people stop shipping alex with every woman that she looks at i am Tiredt)
> 
> • title from never not by lauv.

“Is she okay?” 

Alex rushes into the med bay, grabbing J’onn’s arm as soon as she’s close enough. He turns around, not startled at all, and blinks at her a few times- gives her some time to breathe. She doesn’t. Alex just stares at him, her grip on his arm tightening. 

J’onn reaches for her hand that’s gripping his bicep and pulls it off gently, before turning towards her and grabbing her by the shoulders. 

“She’s _safe_ , Alex,” he says, then, looking her straight in the eye, “she’s stable and she’s safe.” 

A sigh of relief escapes Alex’s lips and her shoulders sag, her chin drops to her chest. She’s trembling, she knows it, but she doesn’t really care. Not while the love of her life is literally unconscious in a small hospital bed, while there’s IV’s needed to keep her alive. While Alex doesn’t even know if she’ll make it. 

She looks up, glances over J’onn’s shoulder to the small figure under the white hospital sheets. Alex feels the life draining out of her as she looks at her, as she takes it all in. 

They haven’t seen each other in what feels like forever. Alex counts it must’ve been about eight months at this point. Eight months since they took their rings off, since Alex helped her pack, since she sent her away. Seeing her face still hurts as much as it did back then. 

And now, not knowing if she’s going to make it is killing her. Knowing there’s so much that needs to be said, so much that needs to be done and made up for, so much that needs to be proven. Alex isn’t sure she’ll get that chance anymore. Hell, she wasn’t even sure she’d get that chance if nothing like this ever happened, but now that she’s here and she’s hurt Alex wishes for nothing more than a chance to make things right. 

A chance to get Maggie back. 

That’s all she wants. All she needs. Maggie was right. She shouldn’t have given _them_ up for some notion of being a mom. She never should’ve let Maggie go. And she gets that, now more than ever. She’s been struggling with that thought for a long, long time, but two months ago she realized that nothing will ever make sense without Maggie. Like it’s all for nothing. She needs Maggie back and she will do anything and everything to accomplish that. To just get another chance. 

“When will she wake up?” 

J’onn sighs, squeezes her shoulder, “We’re not sure. Soon.” 

“ _Is_ she going to wake up?” Alex’s voice trembles as she locks eyes with J’onn. 

She knows he can tell how scared she is. She knows that he knows what she’s thinking, what she wants. If she didn’t know he was telepathic, she’d know by the look in his eyes. 

“Alex,” J’onn says, gently, “calm down. Maggie is going to be fine,”

Alex shakes her head, takes a step back, “I can’t– I mean– How do you expect me to be calm, J’onn?”

“Because you’re a doctor, Alex. You can check her vitals. You can check on her. You can stay here. You can see for yourself that she’s stable and that she’s okay. She’s going to be alright,”

Okay. 

Fair point. 

She _is_ a doctor. 

Maybe it’s not all too bad, then. J’onn knows lying to her would be useless. 

“Can I check?” 

 

•

 

It’s been four hours and twenty-three minutes and Maggie is still unconscious. Or asleep. Alex prefers the term asleep. She’s only left Maggie’s bedside to go pee twice and to have a quick lunch with Winn, but that’s it. Other than that she took a nap in the chair next to Maggie’s bed, paced around the room and checked her vitals at least eleven times. 

She might be going insane soon. 

She just can’t believe she let it come this far. Maggie has never backed off any DEO cases, no matter if Alex was on them or not. She’s never backed down from any aliens, any threats. She always kept risking her life, no matter who was in danger. Even after they broke up she kept giving it her best, she kept doing her job like nothing had ever happened between them. 

And now, today, it had to come this far. Maggie, lifeless and bleeding on the floor. If it weren’t for Kara getting her to the DEO this quick she might not have made it. Alex’s heart aches every time she thinks about it. 

But Maggie is here. Breathing. Her heartrate’s good, her breathing’s fine, blood pressure is okay. Her skin doesn’t feel as cold as it did a few hours ago and she’s not as pale anymore either. She looks better, now, and Alex feels like she can breathe again. Even if it’s just a little. 

A knock disturbs her from her thoughts. 

Alex spins towards the door, only to see Kara standing in the door opening. She smiles at her and Alex has to force a little smile of herself, even while knowing that Kara can see right through that. So when Kara steps into the room, arms wide open for Alex to fall into, she can’t help but rush to her and cling to her sister. 

“Are you okay?” 

Alex just shakes her head. She knows she doesn’t have to actually say anything, Kara will still hold her and reassure her that everything’s going to be okay. So when she starts rubbing Alex’s back, Alex finally relaxes. And she breathes. 

For minutes. Or what feels like hours. 

And Kara just waits, keeps holding her until Alex is ready to pull away. And when she does she keeps her hands on Alex’s arms, holding her steady and watching her, making sure she is okay. 

“Do you want to talk?” She asks, then, voice soft and careful. 

Alex shrugs, “I don’t know what there is to talk about,”

“How you’re feeling?” 

Alex turns her head to look at Maggie for a second, then back at her sister, “It’s nothing,” 

Kara rolls her eyes, drops her hands from where they were resting on Alex’s arms, “It’s not _nothing_ , Alex. Your ex-fiancée nearly died. You’re allowed to be upset. I know you still care about her,” 

The last part was said so quietly, as if Kara was scared Alex is going to lash out at her for stating the truth. All Alex does is sigh, because Kara is right. She really does still care. A lot. Too much, maybe. And it hurts. 

“I do,” is all she says. 

 

•

 

“Please wake up, Mags,” Alex mutters, the tips of her finger running the same pattern on the back of Maggie’s hand over and over and over again. 

She’s been talking to Maggie for about ten minutes now, just catching her up on life in general. But the longer she talks to Maggie the harder it is for her to keep everything she’s feeling in. And knowing Maggie probably can’t hear her only helps with letting everything out. 

And she just feels so much better the more she talks. So why not, right? 

“Please, just, wake up? It’s been eight hours and it’s time for you to go home. To _come_ home. Maggie. Please,” Alex sighs, grips Maggie’s hand tighter, “I’ve been wanting to ask you to come home for so long and I’ve been so stupid. I’m so sorry. I never should’ve—I should’ve known better, Mags. Please wake up. Please let me make it up to you.” 

Alex can’t help but stare at her face. She’s still as beautiful as she’s always been. Her hair’s a little longer, again, a little curlier. Also not as dark as it used to be. Alex wonders if she dyed it. She might’ve. Alex hates herself for not knowing. For not being a part of her life so she could know. She hates herself for letting Maggie go. 

“There’s so much I need to say and so much I need to do, but for now I just need you to wake up. I need you to be okay, Maggie, please. I love you,” 

She’s crying now. Silent tears rolling down her cheeks, dripping of her chin and splattering apart on her hand that’s still holding Maggie’s. 

“Please wake up,” 

 

•

 

White, bright light. 

Maggie tries to flinch away, but she can’t really feel her body and her eyes seem to be glued shut. She struggles a little, tries to figure out where she is without having all her senses. She feels like she can’t breathe and she feels trapped. 

It’s only when she hears _that_ voice—familiar, soft and safe—that she calms down again. 

“Maggie?” 

It’s Alex. 

“Maggie, relax. I’m here, you’re okay, you’re safe,” 

She feels the press of Alex’s hand on her chest, just where her neck meets her chest, and she breathes. Breathes with the pressure of Alex’s hand, focuses on the woman next to her bed. And then her eyes flicker open just in time to see Alex wiping her cheeks. 

“Oh, god, Maggie,” she breathes, relieved, her free hand covering her mouth now, the other still helping Maggie feel grounded, “you’re awake,” 

She tries to talk, but her throat hurts. She grimaces as she swallows, immediately wishing she could brush her teeth. It’s like Alex can read her mind, because in no time she’s holding a cup of water and she’s pointing at a toothbrush on the small table next to the bed. 

“I got you,” she says while pressing a button on Maggie’s bed so she can sit up, before handing Maggie the cup, “I’ve been in your position enough times to know what you’re going to need,” 

As she takes a sip of her water, Maggie wonders if Alex knows that she just needs a hug. Alex’s hug, to be precise. But she’s not going to push, or wonder about it for too long. She just drinks her water and closes her eyes for a second. It’s like she only now realizes what a great thing water actually is. 

“Thank you,” she croaks out, then. 

“How are you feeling?” Alex asks, worry lacing her voice, “Are you in any pain?” 

“I, uh, I can’t feel my legs, I think?” 

Alex nods, “Those are probably the meds. They should wear off in a bit,” 

“Okay,” 

“Anything else?” 

Maggie shakes her head, her eyes scanning Alex’s face. She looks exhausted. Drained. Like she hasn’t slept in weeks. Her hair’s a mess – it even looks a little greasy – and there’s bags under her eyes. She’s wearing a big shirt and torn jeans and Maggie feels bad. Then her eyes scan the room. She notices some of Alex’s stuff. Books, her glasses, a bottle of water next to the chair. A pillow on the floor. It’s like she’s been living in this room. 

“How, uh, how long have I been out for?” 

She can’t talk, not really, so it’s more of a whisper, but Alex hears her anyway and when their eyes meet it’s like everything falls into place again. 

“A little over a day,” Alex answers, checking her watch, “uh, thirty-one hours to be exact,”

“You been counting, Danvers?” 

It’s meant to sound as a joke, but it falls flat. Alex’s hands drop to her sides and she shrugs, her eyes everywhere except on Maggie. Maggie, who immediately feels bad. She thought she could crack a joke, because things weren’t awkward, even though maybe they should be. She thought it would lighten the mood. 

“I’m sorry,” she then ends up saying, because she’s not expecting a real answer to that, “I just tried to lighten up. I’m sorry,” 

Alex sighs, runs her hand through her hair, “I can’t _lighten up_ , Maggie. You were unconscious for longer than twenty-four hours. Nothing about that is funny. So, yes, I’ve been counting.” 

“Alex, I’m sorry,” she says, trying to reach for Alex’s hand, only for the latter to pull away. 

“I’ve been worried _sick_ , Maggie,” Alex mutters, looking back up into Maggie’s eyes. 

Maggie hands her the cup back, as if she’s totally ignoring what Alex’s saying. It’s only when Alex put the cup back on the table that Maggie grabs her hands, pulls her closer. 

“I’m _sorry_ ,” She says, looking up into Alex’s eyes, pulling her onto her bed so she can sit down. 

Alex nods, “I know, I’m sorry, too. I overreacted,” 

“You didn’t,” Maggie says softly, her thumb unknowingly rubbing circles on the back of Alex’s hand, “I shouldn’t have made a joke out of this. Thank you for caring,” 

“Of course I care, Mags,” 

They both tense at the nickname, but neither of them acknowledge it. Not really. Just a squeeze of their hands, the small upwards tug on Maggie’s lips, the tips of Alex’s ears turning red in embarrassment. 

“I’ll always care,” 

Maggie softens at that. She sinks back in her pillow and closes her eyes, just enjoys the moment of being here with her. Of being close to her and having Alex with her again. Even if it’s just for now. Even if everything will go to shit again as soon as she leaves this place. She just wants to be here and now. 

“Me too, Alex, me too,” 

It’s quiet for a while, after that. Just Alex sitting on the side of her bed, holding her hands, as if they never broke up. As if they’ve always been together and this is just one setback. Maggie feels her chest tighten at the thought of losing Alex again after this. She feels the lump in her throat growing at the realization that this isn’t real. They’re not real. They’re not together. Not anymore. 

They’re not supposed to sit here like this, say all these things about how they will always care. Alex isn’t supposed to call her Mags. That’s over. Done. Forever. Because they want different things. And that’s just it. 

So she pulls her hands back from Alex and scoots away from her, turns her head so she can look everywhere but her. She knows Alex notices the shifted energy. She knows that Alex knows something’s wrong. Alex knows her too well not to realize. 

“When can I leave?” 

Alex clears her throat, but doesn’t get up from her spot on the bed. “You need some last check-ups, but you should be getting cleared in an hour and a half, tops,” 

Maggie just nods, crosses her arms over her chest and sighs. She doesn’t want to be here anymore. Being close to Alex hurts, even after all this time. Because all it does is remind her of what she wants – what she _needs_ – but can’t have. 

“Do you – Do you need anything?” 

Not being able to look at her, Maggie closes her eyes and shakes her head. It’s only then that Alex gets up from the bed. 

“I’ll leave you to it, then,” Alex mutters, “call me if you need anything. Or, you know, Kara,” 

And Maggie knows she fucked up then. Knows she could’ve handled this better. Knows she should’ve said something, instead of shutting her out like she used to way back in the beginning. They’re past that. They talk. They’re adults. They can figure things out. 

Alex being here, holding her hand, taking care of her. It must mean something, right? So who’s to say they can’t figure this all out together? See what it means? _If_ it means anything? 

Alex is almost out the door when Maggie finds her voice. 

“Alex, wait,” 

She stops in her tracks, hand close enough to the doorknob to reach out and leave if she wants to. 

(She doesn’t). 

“Do you need anything?” Alex asks. 

_You_ , is what Maggie thinks. But she can’t say that. Not now. Not when they’re both emotional and vulnerable. So she sighs, grips the bedsheet with one hand while the other runs trough her hair. She looks at Alex- hopes she will look back, but only bites her lip in defeat when Alex keeps her gaze on the door. 

“I’m sorry,” 

“For what?” 

“For shutting you out, just now,” Maggie mutters, just loud enough for Alex to hear. 

It’s only then that Alex looks at her, her hand dropping. She sighs. 

“I just,” Maggie hesitates, “went crazy, I guess,” 

She internally laughs at the irony, because it used to be Alex going crazy. And for it to be the other way around, now.. Well. Maggie isn’t used to it. Not really. Especially because she’s not sure what this all means. 

“Why?” 

Alex is walking over towards the bed now, her eyes guarded. Maggie feels her heart ache for her. She just wants to reach out and hold her. Has wanted to for the last eight months and three days. She might even remember how many hours. Maybe.

“I don’t know, Alex,” Maggie sighs, “It’s just – you’re here and you _care_ and you’re holding my hands and I just,” she stops for a second, inhales, locks her eyes on Alex’s, “it hurts,” 

It’s at that point that Alex breaks. A sob escapes her and she turns away from Maggie, hands covering her face even though there’s no tears. But her throat hurts and her chest aches – for _Maggie_ – and she just wants to spill her guts now. But it wouldn’t be fair, because Maggie doesn’t have a choice but to listen and when, _if_ , she does this, she wants Maggie to want this, too. Not just because she _has_ to listen. 

“It just hurts,” Maggie says again, “and I just know that as soon as I step foot out of this building that it’ll be over. Gone. Again. I’m just protecting myself,” 

Alex takes a deep breath, makes her choice. 

“It doesn’t have to be,” 

“What?” 

“It doesn’t have to be over. Or gone.” 

Maggie frowns, “What do you mean?” 

She can’t help the flicker of hope in her chest. The spark in her heart that encourages her to reach for Alex. But she doesn’t. She keeps her hands by her sides, her eyes searching Alex’s face for any kind of sign that she’s being pranked. Or made fun of. Or played. Or.. any sign that this isn’t actually really happening. 

“I know it hurts, Maggie,” Alex says, stepping up to the side of Maggie’s bed again, “It hurts so bad and I’m so sorry. And I didn’t want to say this now, because you’re basically forced to listen to me while you’re in this bed and I don’t want to push this on you, but I just,” she sighs, “I miss you,” 

Maggie’s breath hitches in her throat, her eyes tearing up. She can’t believe Alex is saying this. 

“And I _know_ now isn’t the perfect time to discuss this, so we won’t, and I _know_ you almost died, but I’m not just saying this, Maggie. I’ve been thinking. A lot. About everything. And I’m not being impulsive or I’m not just making rash decisions. You know me. I never say or do anything without being a hundred percent sure,” 

Maggie looks at her. Really looks at her. Her eyes are wide, wet and honest and it breaks Maggie’s heart. She can see how genuine Alex is being, yet something is still holding her back from everything. It’s weird, this feeling in her chest. Like she wants to do this, but she can’t. Or she can do this, but she doesn’t want to. 

But when she looks at Alex it’s like nothing else matters, like they’re just perfect for each other and they can conquer anything. Except.. Right.

Maggie sighs, shakes her head. Then says,

“We still want different things, Alex,” 

Silence. For a few seconds. Maggie knows Alex is just trying to get her thoughts together, knows she doesn’t want to say the wrong thing. So she waits. Because this is a serious conversation and she doesn’t want to ruin it by pushing Alex and getting her mad. It’s only when Alex talks that Maggie’s heart beats properly again.

“I want you. And I think you still want me, too. How is that different?” 

Maggie is silent for a second, and then, “You want kids.” 

“I want kids,” Alex confirms as she grabs her hand, laces their fingers together, “but I _need_ you,” 

She doesn’t know what to say. She’s been wanting to hear this for _so_ long and now that she finally has, Maggie’s got no idea how to respond. So she just sits there, staring at her hand in Alex’s, and she smiles softly. Because, maybe, after all of this, she can still get her Alex back. 

“I know we can’t rush into anything and we’ve got a lot to talk about. And I’ve got a lot to prove. But, Maggie, please,” Alex says, squeezing her hand, “give me a chance?” 

“Back in the day I said you got _one_ , Alex,” 

“I know, I know,” Alex sighs, “I know I don’t deserve another chance. I shouldn’t be asking for one. And if you want me to back off, I will, I promise. I just have to try,” 

Maggie nods. Squeezes Alex’s hand. “Okay,” 

“Okay?” Alex asks, hopeful, “What does that mean?” 

“I think it means,” Maggie hesitates a little, smiles up at Alex, “pool? Tomorrow night?” 

Alex immediately shakes her head. “No way. You need to _rest_. For at _least_ two weeks. You’re not playing pool anytime soon,” 

“You’re no fun, Danvers,” 

“Excuse me? If I remember correctly I am quite a lot of fun,” Alex shoots back, rather playfully. 

“Mhm,” 

Alex smiles, soft and gentle, “I just want you to get better first,” her smile turns into a grin, then, “so at least I don’t have to feel bad about kicking your ass,” 

“You’re a great _pain_ in my ass,” Maggie mutters, “but okay. Rest. Then pool,” 

“Exactly,” Alex says, squeezing her hand once again, “then pool,”

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on twitter if you feel the need to @lgbtsmoaks


End file.
